In You I see Me

I don’t want to skim stones on the surface of your being. I want to swim below those ripples. I understand you find it hard to invite me in, as I do you. Into those uncharted waters of sunken treasures and abandoned ships. Fear is a falsely mask friend, in shaped like nets, sitting upon the surface catching stones. Is a flower ever in the same state? No, because it is constantly becoming. If it were a bud forever I would grow weary. If it never wilted I would become complacent. Your ever changing states are also my own. Because I dared to see you, I see more of me. Expanding in all directions, eternal in the vastness of what I can become. K.T. 19/01/2017


Do you think that when you judge something, it is actually about that thing your judging? If you investigate further, you will find that your judgements belong solely to you. If I look at a tree how can I know what it is really? Does how it appear visually represent its entirety? If I cut it up into a table does this offer me the truth of what it is? If I learn how it grows and interacts with its environment can I say its behaviours show me the whole of it? If I continue to investigate like this, all I find are my own perceptions.



Why did you go when I was not able to fend for my self. Was it my fault you could not handle the responsibility. I am sure I would make you proud if you got to know me. I see you are dealing with your own grief of leaving me, I understand and try to make that up to you, I’m sorry for your loss. I don’t want to see you hurting as I know how it feels you see. I lost one of the greatest loves that life could offer me, that bond between daughter and mummy. You’re still alive but you will never know me, and that hurts sometimes as much as when you left me. You never got to see my first achievements or mistakes in life, my first kiss, my first exam, my first love. To guide me in the ways of the feminine. And because you were not there I struggled to believe I was worthy of anyone’s love. No one taught me to heal the rejection I felt in my heart. How to let love in without fear of it leaving me. But its ok now mum, cause I have learnt how to kiss my eyelids goodnight and how to say I love you when I feel scared. I am learning how to hold people closer now and not fear their rejection. To be vulnerable was always too painful as it reminded me of our goodbye. I kept abandoning myself over and over. I will always weep for what could have been, for I have missed you all the while. But I am now letting love in because I am learning to mother myself. I think you would be proud. I am pretty brave little soul, who is no longer giving up on me, just because mummy did.

Thank you for these lessons <3


22/06/2016 – To be seen by another

As I sit here, I wonder upon how life has been designed, knowing that these questions have already been asked. Yet few discuss their existence with one another. As I walk with you I ask how it is that you have come to walk with me along my path. I wonder how you feel about the challenges of life and its meanings. For these questions help me to understand my own existence better and to feel more connected to who you are and who I am.

To this current day I see that we find it difficult to share our stories with one another and we choose to focus our attention upon things that are happening in events, that seem to distract us from searching deeper within our own experiences. There is a tendency to take on the current mind sets of the times and not look beyond those to find what it is that we actually feel or believe. To search for ourselves within ourselves for our own knowing. How can we so easily take on the beliefs of others as our own. And when I say others I mean the current mind sets that are built within society.
You say to me, “I dont usually talk this deeply” and I wonder why. What does deep mean in this context? When these are just everyday wanderings in my mind.
Why do you sit with me and cry about things that have made you sad and tell me that you have never been able to do this with others? That these are things you have never shared before with another. When clearly the crying and the sharing is so soothing for you. To know this only makes me feel sad as I see how much you benefit from being heard by another. But I am also happy because now you are allowing yourself to be seen, and from your tears more light enters you. How is it that there are parts of us that will never been seen or felt by another, when these sharing s give us a greater sense of purpose and connection.

Such tears of relief suggest that there is great suffering in not being heard. Purhaps the pain of us not being able to share our feelings with others in the past such as our parents. Purhaps carrying the belief that it is not ok to have such feelings. Why are we so afraid of feelings… of another’s feelings, of our own feelings? We seem to fear them more than physical pain and stuff them down or hide them somewhere, and yet of we ignored a broken leg, it would not get better.

Self Love

There is massive change occurring in the world and for ourselves. The old ways have to break down before we can rebuild a healthier place, both inside our selves and in the world. The answer to all of the problems in the world is self love. When we love our selves it is really impossible not to love all of life, that includes every living being and everything, even the planet, is alive.

When we love ourselves it is impossible to hurt another being. When we love ourselves we have worked our way through letting go of the old stuff that no longer serves us. We can only but live more consciously and we come to understand that everything is connected. If you want to help the world then start by helping yourself. We send energy out to all those places that need our love but the real power is sending that love to ourselves. Then from that place of self love it naturally does pour out into the world!

When we send loving compassion to ourselves the energy goes out in all directions but when we send it to a person or an object or a place etc it only goes to that person or place. That’s not to say that we should not send that person love of course that matters too. But we have displaced our power by only sending it in one direction and ignoring ourselves. This limits the energy. We have been taught to chase our tails to find love. We are told ‘its out there’, ‘its a big car’, ‘its a boob job’, ‘its a holiday’, ‘its in a relationship’ so we keep chasing our tails as we will never find love out there, it is impossible. We are being distracted by things that actually are really not important.

If you do not love yourself genuinely and compassionately then how can you really love anything else in life? However you treat yourself is how you treat the world. You are a direct expression of source and if you cant love what you are how can you love the life outside of you, as everything is totally interlinked and connected.

Where does the idea of separation come from? Where does any of your ideas of the world come from? other people? education? media? the doctor? the policeman? the government? your parents? And where did theirs come from? The only place we can find any answers to the puzzle of life is to LISTEN truly to yourself. Follow your own truths and if you need help to demist the foggy radar (as it will be a little rusty without much use) to hear yourself, just speak to those that have found their way there.

The governments would not be going to war if those individuals running it loved themselves. It is absolutely impossible to love yourself and then go to war. Those who have mastered self love are peace makers. Lets start a revolution of peacemakers.

Sending myself love..

My experiences of mediation and its benefits

For thousands of years meditation have been said to have many benefits and it seems that science are now proving such claims. Studies have showed that is actually helps with the aging process as well as having many benefits on your physical health such as improving your immune system and lowering blood pressure . Meditation is also an effective treatment for stress, anxiety, worry and a lack of focus. More and more therapies are using mindfulness to help people with all sorts of issues. Other studies show that it also aids creativity and can have beneficial effect on your relationships.

Studies have shown, by using scans on people who are mediating, that brain regions associated with memory, sense of self, empathy, and stress are effected whilst meditating.

I have found meditation to be very beneficial. It has helped me to observe my mind and in any one moment I can now meditate in most circumstance. It creates a moment of rest in my busy day or brings gratitude as being empty really throws you into the hear and now.

It is surprising to observe so many thoughts that I was actually unaware of in my day to day life. I started meditating at 16 years of age and would attend a buddist class in this little room. There were about 10 of us. We would listen to the fairly young man with a large smile talking about Buddhist Scriptures and then he would guide us into a meditation. The man next to me wore a hearing aid and it would always start to buzz after he fell asleep.

It took me some time to start to slow those thoughts down and not to get “stuck” to one of them and follow its trail, without even knowing I am following it. The mind seems to enjoy thinking, well it would do as this is apart of its job is it not? But have you actually noticed what it is thinking about? man oh man if you heard that on a radio station all day long you would have to change the channel, or better still switch it off!

Mediation helps you to start to sift out what is actually not beneficial and therefore leaving space for the thoughts that have a greater benefit to your life. Our thoughts are like little seeds, and if we water them enough they will grow. So we should be careful what we are planting and nurturing. Thoughts really can become things. What kind of things do you really want in your life. Meditation is a great place to start.